I kind of class myself as a “Prodigal”. Someone who grew up in church but who then left of my own accord to pursue my own happiness elsewhere. One dictionary definition I found for Prodigal said “wasteful, recklessly extravagant”. And that is exactly how I see myself, I was wasteful of the life and the opportunities God had given me at an early age and I was recklessly extravagant in indulging my own desires. For me it wasn’t about the pursuit of money and wealth as it was in the story of the Prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) but about the pursuit of my own fleshly desires. So my mindset was that I had discovered gay sex and although I knew I was turning my back on God I desired that more than anything, more than I desired a relationship with God at that time. Yet here I am now, fast forward a number of years, and I can see that at times I was reckless but more than that I recognise the waste because God still loved me through all that I just didn’t let him love me, it was me who put the barrier up not him.
What I love about the story of the Prodigal son is verse 20 – “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms round him and kissed him”
You know God doesn’t wait until we are spot on with him before he welcomes us back, he just aches for us to realise it’s him we’ve missed and that we show an intention to rekindle a relationship with him. It took me 6 months of being a regular at church again before I actually asked God into my life. God welcomed me in church every day, he was with me throughout that 6 months helping me, supporting me and most importantly loving me. We don’t have to be perfect to come back to God, just willing to say sorry and move forwards, trust me God is working on the rest.