Anxiety can cripple us. When I first realised I was Gay it was such a stressful time. Ignoring for the moment the fact that I came from a Christian home, my fear focused around so many things and lingered with me throughout my life. Fear of coming out, fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of not fitting in, fear of discrimination, all fears that continued to surface over and over again.
On top of those fears I also had a fear of dying, because I knew in my heart that I had turned my back on God, I was being deliberately disobedient to him and I was destined to hell for my sins (as we all are unless we repent and turn to God for his forgiveness).
When I first started exploring faith again a couple of years ago I found a lot of websites and information which emphasised that you could be a “Gay Christian”. I was so happy I thought I had found the answer to my needs, but it was just that. The answer these sites were selling was an answer to “my needs”, my personal desire to be able to live my life my way with God’s blessing. But on reflection they were not an answer to God’s desires for my life, I still had fear, anxiety about my future, I still didn’t feel at peace with the Lord. It took me until I started going to church to build up a relationship with God and over time I could see that he wanted me to be obedient to him. I believe he wants us to love him unconditionally and to do that we cannot keep looking for loopholes in his word.
So I made the choice, I wanted peace, I wanted a relationship with God that was all encompassing, nothing held back and I wanted to be obedient to his word. You know the moment I made that choice I felt peace, like a weight off my shoulders.
I won’t say I have no anxiety or fear now, but I will say I have very little and what I have I hand to God in prayer, I encourage you to get right with God, seek the plans he has for your life. What does God want you to do? It’s a question only God can answer.